Waltzing Matilda. What's his name?

This one doesn't count as a weekly question ok?!

I know we're on the internet and you can look up the lyrics, but are they spelt and grammatised correctly?? The swagman sits. He sings, asking Matilda, (a girl), to come dancing/waltzing with him.

For 10 points and the VISA entry pass to this country, either post a comment if you think you know the answer, or email subkulcha@hotmail.com for the answer.

What aren't ya?!

What are you not?

Noone fuckin' emails me so this question is courtesy of Carl Baron. It's gold. How come, in Aussie lingo, when asked how you are, you reply how you're not? The below is a common example of a typical Melburnian conversation.

"How are ya?"
"Not bad."
"What you been up to?"
"Not much."
"Like me car?"
"Not bad mate!!! Not bad at all."
"Wanna go for a cruise?"
"Wouldn't mind."
(later)
"Fuck are we there yet?"
"Mate it's not far."
"How far?"
"Not long now."

Seriously. That's from your mates and all. Complete stranger's here will point out the obvious to strike up conversation. It's the only time a question isn't answered in a negative.

"Hey mate's hot innit?"
"Yeah", while you think, "Can you fuckin do something about that hey?"

Why is the American dream so different from reality?

I can't find any photos on the internet, so I'll take one tomorrow of an average suburban Melbourne, Australia street. You'll notice the fences. Through movies and literature, you'll be aware that the American Dream, as described in most literature (for example The Great Gatsby) is to live in a big nice house in the suburbs with a big front lawn, fancy clothing, a white picket fence, and 2.5 children. Yet you look in most American movies, you mofo's hardly ever have front fences!!!! Seriously........ wtf is wrong with you lot, and why are you so against, having front fences? It's hard to find a suburban street scape photo with detail on the internet, but one thing that gives it away - every shot with houses with front fences has cars parked on the left side of the road, so it damn ain't America. It's always bugged me, and I know you're a closed lot, assuming around 75% of you don't have passports, but you're streets look very different to ours in all the mainstream media put to us. By you and your media!!! It sounds odd hearing a non-American accent on television because of that. The thing is, everywhere else realises that they aren't the centre (not center!), of the Earth. I remember when I was in L.A, we asked to go to Orange County, and the cab driver told us that he'd never been outside his county before. It was like a 20 minute drive!!! In Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, you could drive from say Werribee in the west, for about 2 hours, and still be in Melbourne's east. You lot are weird in lots of ways, but ignoring that, I still ask the question...

The American dream includes picket fences, why don't you guys have them???

Can you lip read Vietnamese?

I knew I wouldn't last a week before another question. Oh well.

Lip reading. It would be a fair challenge to get accurate, obviously. That's in English. What about in languages like Vietnamese or Cantonese, where you can have the same word, with the same lip movements, eg. MA, that pronounced or stressed different ways can have up to 6 different meanings.
Are the context and words around it enough to be able to succesfully do it?

Can gay blokes tell if they're good looking or not?

Now I'm sure there are plenty of "flamboyant" young lads shouting "Hell yes I am!", but they're missing the point of the question. Now, for instance, when me or my friends hear our girlfriend(s), comment amongst themselves, "Hey, that guys hot", we look, and wonder. Occasionally, they're a kinda cool looking dude or whatever, but there's no particular feature that allows us, as straight males, to gauge their attractiveness on. Now, when I look in the mirror, I kinda think, "Yep that's me, could be worse", when I see another dude, I think, "Ah, another dude". I'm not in any way attracted to the physical features of a male, nor can I tell whether one would be classed as good looking or not, (with one exception, the boyfriend of a girl at work, I've never seen that many females so blatantly perving), so when I look at myself, I see myself and that's it. I have neither an up-nor-down ego/self-consciousness.

So my question is... ignoring inflated ego's and the like, does an attractive homo/bi-sexual, someone in any way attracted to the same gender as themselves, look in the mirror and think:

"I want to go fuck myself"

Sounds like an insult, but I actually mean it literally.